Article by Capt. Mark Sampson
Boat ramps will always be sources of joy and misery for the boating community. They bring joy to boaters because they’re the gateway to happy times and great adventures on the water. But the misery rests in the fact that traveling through that gate is not always a smooth and graceful journey. Stories of the antics and mishaps that have occurred on boat ramps could fill a library and certainly prompt more than just a few skippers into reconsidering their decision to take up boating rather than something less technically and physically challenging like extreme rock-climbing or maybe demolition-derby racing.
In a “perfect world” ascending or descending a ramp would be as simple as shoving a boat off a trailer and into the water, or cranking our vessel out of the water and onto a trailer, and surely it occurs that way enough times to perpetuate the myth. But since none of us really live in “Nirvana,” the fact is, there’s enough trials and tribulations that go on in the process as well-meaning folks endeavor to launch or pull their boats that “ramp-watching” could become a pastime that eventually draws audiences away from more mundane events such as professional football and NASCAR racing.
Having spent so much of my life working on and around the water, I’ve had the privilege of attending some of the best “ramp-shows” ever produced by both local and visiting boaters. I’ve seen boats sink because the owners forgot to unstrap the sterns from the trailer, three automobiles launched, and I can’t even begin to say how many back-up collisions, boats launched without the drain plugs installed, folks slipping and falling into the water, and vehicles with burned out tires, transmissions, or clutches from trying to pull big boats up steep inclines that I’ve seen. The escapades that occur on boat ramps are like the wonders of nature; just when you think you’ve seen it all - you’re suddenly treated to something new that blows you away!
Such was the case many years ago while I was working at a local marina. It was early spring and four guys in an 18’ boat had just been towed in after their engine died while fishing out in the bay. You could tell they had a rough time of it because they were all soaked from the waist down, covered in salt and sand, and the inside of the boat looked as though someone tried to paint it with strips of squid, bloodworms, seaweed, and black marsh-mud. A case (or two) of empty beer cans floating around in the bottom of the boat indicated that the crew may have tried to drown their sorrows long before they were ever handed a towline.
It was early evening and I would soon be locking up the shop for the night, so I asked the guys if there was anything they needed. One of them replied, “no, we just want to yank this lousy boat out of the water so we can get back to our motel, shower, and forget about this horrible day”!
As bad a shape as their boat was in, their trailer looked even worse. It was covered in rust and squeaked and creaked as they tried many times to get it backed straight down the ramp. Then, after fumbling for 15-minutes with the winch, they finally got the cable snapped to the bow and proceeded to sweat and swear as they took turns cranking the boat onto the trailer. Finally the bow neared the trailer post, and while keeping his words in perfect rhythm each turn of the winch handle, the guy doing the cranking proudly announced, “Now-we-can-finally-end-this-misery-and-get-outta-here”!
The word “here” had barely left his lips when the trailer's frayed-old winch cable snapped and the boat started to roll back down the trailer and into the water. With a firm grasp on the bow cleat, one brave soul tried to hold the boat in place only to be dragged down the trailer and across every roller until being deposited in chest-deep water at the end of the ramp. With no other lines attached to stop or even slow its progress, the boat entered the water with enough momentum to send the vessel on a backwards unmanned voyage across the marina basin at alarming speed. The boat’s progress was only temporarily halted when it collided stern-to-stern with another boat moored directly across from the ramp. No damage was incurred by the moored vessel, but as fate would have it, the cowling for our friend's outboard motor popped off and quickly sank. To make matters worse (if that’s possible) there was a brisk wind blowing from the east which proceeded to push the boat out towards the open bay. In a bold display of bravado, one of our heroes literally dove into the water and swam out to recapture the boat. Of course it wasn’t until he clamored aboard that he remembered that the motor didn’t run. His efforts only left him colder, wetter, and steadily drifting out into the bay – alone!
Fortunately I was able to hop in my own boat and tow the casualty back to the ramp. Maybe they were just numb from the cold or maybe from the entire incident, but either way, there wasn’t a whole lot of talking going on as the four guys repaired their winch cable and tried again to crank the boat up on the rusty old trailer. By then it was a little bit easier because the tide had come in a bit, and two additional ropes tied to the bow cleat and looped around their truck’s bumper ensured that if the cable snapped again, at least the boat would stay put.
The numbing silence was finally broken by whoops of joy when the truck (and boat!) finally crested the ramp and stopped on the level parking lot. By then it was almost dark and quite obvious that, more than ever, the gang was ready for a hot shower, dinner, and something that would help them forget about the entire experience. About a half hour after they squeaked their way out of the parking lot I finished locking up the tackle shop, hopped in my own vehicle, and started home.
I had only gone five blocks when I encountered what I’m guessing was the “icing on the cake” for the four unlucky boaters. In the far right lane was a large pothole, next to the pothole was a trailer tire with hub and part of the axle still attached. About thirty yards further down the road was the same boat and same trailer (minus one tire and part of its axle). The truck and its four occupants were nowhere to be seen.
In the months to come lots of boats will surely be traveling up and down our local boat ramps. Tickets for the show go on sale Monday!§
