Article by Sam Kilgore
"Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it" - Proverbs 22:6
This was a familiar quote that my parents drilled into my head throughout my childhood Every time I heard that scripture, it got my full attention, not because I was interested in learning, but because it meant that I was in trouble! It was not until my wife and I had our second child that I was able to comprehend the powerful positive energy this advice carries.
My grandfather (Gramps) was a hard worker and had little patience for a wild and unpredictable 10 year old grandson. Many times he attempted to teach me the value of hard work. My mind would wander and my attention was easily distracted. I had absolutely no interest in learning how to trim hedges, cut grass or work on his car engine. If anything, I would find myself concentrating on how I could get out of work. He recognized my inattention. I began to complain and it was decided that "laziness" was to blame. This was unfortunate because deep down, I really wanted his approval.
I do not remember the first time Gramps took me fishing. I remember numerous occasions when I finally felt his sense of his approval. We had found a common interest and it was fishing! Gramps seemed to have transformed himself from a gruff, no-nonsense and intimidating man into my fishing buddy. He loved showing me pictures of fish he had caught long ago and telling me stories of "the one that got away". He gave me a few dried black drum scales, which were the size of quarters. He taught me how to tie my first fishing knot, how to sharpen hooks and many excellent techniques he had learned on his own. He gave me my first fishing rod and an old tattered magazine with pictures and descriptions of various species of fish found along the Atlantic coast.
Once we had found our common ground is fishing, while he did his yard work I was allowed to sit on an old wooden bench and practice making fishing rigs. I would make plans and even form my own (11 year old) techniques that would surely be the best way to catch even the biggest fish. We would often plan fishing trips days in advance and I was committed to go, no matter what activities were offered by my friends.
Surf fishing requires patience and to a kid who is accustomed to instant gratification, initially this was a hard lesson to learn. However, it did not take long to understand the value of patience after being rewarded with an excellent catch. I learned that if I did not pack enough food for a long day on the beach, I would get hungry. If I did not bring an extra pair of clothes, I would be miserably cold after an unexpected wave soaked me from head to toe.
Out of all of the important things I learned from fishing with my Gramps, they were minimal compared to the time we spent talking, laughing and eventually building a very unique friendship.
It is unfortunate that television, various gaming consoles and even computer programs have replaced much valuable quality time parents and children could be spending together. These mind numbing- devices are entertaining to the child and convenient for the busy parent. Eventually, that child becomes an immovable object that has little interest in anything other than sitting on the couch. Before parents realize it, friends become the next major influence and since that child is still searching for approval, may be willing to do anything to get it from anyone. The child is vulnerable while seeking approval which puts them at risk. By this time, parents start to realize that their child may be headed in a negative direction, and in an attempt to correct the behavior, become the enemy. All societies have their own "mother culture", however, in America this seems obviously subtle.
Many years have passed since I was able to fish with Gramps, but those memories continue to make me smile. I hope to pay him back by doing my best to teach others how important it is to search for a common interest with your children. From my experience with my Gramps, my Dad and now as a Father to my own children, the beach is an excellent place to start looking.
Sam Kilgore is an avid surf fisherman and administers AtlanticAnglers.com, a free, family friendly website devoted to helping anglers learn all aspects of fishing.
